It took me a while to figure this out but I’ll tell you flat out, CONFIDENCE is the number one most important element in attraction! It’s what’s called a TURN-ON. It’s not sexual, but it can be. Without it, our civilization would crumble.
Being confident is not what many people assume they need to behave like being cocky, arrogant, bitchy, vain, or rude. These are so easily mistaken for confidence. All of those reveal the very opposite of confidence which is insecurity. INSECURITY is the number one TURN OFF to most people. This must be explained so you can understand that some of the little things that we do innocently during the dating process get the very opposite perception of what we intend.
What fits under the CONFIDENT (attractive) umbrella is being:
INDEPENDENT
GRACEFUL
CHARMING
INTERESTING
People are generally attracted to this regardless of physical attraction or sexual orientation. Non-sexually, these traits are attractive. Instinctively, we all want to be around people like this.
The opposite of being independent is being NEEDY.
The opposite of being graceful is AWKWARD.
The opposite of being charming is being CONCEITED.
The opposite of being interesting is being BORING.
Being needy, awkward, conceited, and boring are all under the insecurity umbrella along with DESPERATION, JEALOUSY, ANXIETY, SELF-DOUBT, EXCESSIVE COMPLAINING, THE NEED FOR CONSTANT VALIDATION, and EMOTIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
If you met someone right now who did anything to indicate that they fit into the insecurity umbrella you would either put them in two categories, JUST A FRIEND or straight up CRAZY! They are written off without a second thought. Are you curious why they are the way they are? Perhaps, but you don’t want to tango with the devil under the pale moonlight by senselessly getting into anything romantic with them. Can you imagine all of the work you’ll have to do during the relationship, just to keep them from flipping out every 5 minutes? This is what most people fear. That is why showing your insecurities at any point during the dating process and even in relationships is the BIGGEST TURN-OFF of all time!
Take a personal inventory. Are you exhibiting any of the “attractive” traits mentioned?
Be absolutely honest with yourself and take a good look at the list of turn-offs and see where you may be a victim of these traits appearing during your past relationships. We continue day in and out without realizing that we are projecting these insecurities to the world and unknowingly turning people so far away that they will never to know how wonderful and special we really are.
Now remember, the problem is not in the act of showing your emotional weaknesses, but communicating them in an effective way. You might not want to get so deep with a person you are just casually dating. Hopefully, as you become more communicative with one another you can share your feelings more. That would also mean that while embarking on this kind of intimate talk, you and your partner understand what kind of dating relationship you have together. You must be on the same page.
Also beware that most of us can keep our insecurities in check for a short while which will sustain the early stages of dating. However, in long-term relationships they appear sooner or later and we’re left sadly wondering where and why things didn’t work out once we began to show our emotions. It’s important not to misrepresent yourself. Be honest and upfront about who you really are.
You don’t have to ever worry about keeping a man or woman because you’ll always be attractive when you are not displaying insecurity. In order to get there you must work on you, not your partner. You are the center of attraction!
To further drive the message home we will list all of the insecurity turn-offs and their confident, more attractive counterparts so you can see the psychological message in the difference. Thusly, whenever you feel insecure feelings, you can think of the counterpart as the way to behave instead. (IT WORKS!) Practice this every day until it is second nature.
Needy / Self-reliant
Awkward / Graceful
Conceited / Charming
Boring / Fascinating
Desperate / Confident
Jealous / Respectful
Anxiety / Serene
Self-doubt / Optimistic
Complaining / Compromising
Cocky / Cool
Arrogant / Self-assured
Bitchy / Benevolent
Rude / Cordial
Emotional / Composed
If you notice, none of the confident attributes involved sex. ATTRACTION IS NOT BASED ON SEX! Maybe you already knew that, but it’s a common misconception. But if you met someone with these CONFIDENT traits it wouldn’t be far off from thinking that they were sexy or attractive because of it.
That’s how attraction works!
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