DON’T FLIRT TO ATTRACT SOMEONE YOU LIKE!
I know, I get a lot of people who disagree with me on this one, but I think this is where everyone gets it wrong. Just hear me out.
When I chatted with my husband about my “No Flirting” policy one day, he strongly disagreed with me. He was adamant that flirting was “fun” and thought it was necessary to establish attraction between two people. However, when I asked him if I flirted with him on our first date, he said, “No.” Then I asked him if he was attracted to me after our first date? His answer was, “Yes!”
What was it that kept his interest if I wasn’t flirting with him?!
On that first date, we talked for hours, but I didn’t flirt. I didn’t kiss him good night. I didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t even give him my phone number! I was CONFIDENT with the future. I wasn’t afraid we’d never see each other again. If we would meet again, I left it up to the unknown. I let go of that worry. At best, I just spent the evening chatting with a delightful person…
Society has told us that we have to flirt to attract the person we like. What is perceived by that flirting? Let’s be honest, FLIRTING is a subtle, yet direct way of letting someone know that you are PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to them and you want to get it on. It’s practically a DIRECT INVITATION TO SEX.
Sex with a stranger is not the goal when you’re ready for a committed relationship. But why do we put it on the table? We’re rushing things because we want more and more of the date. We want to hold on to the moment with everything we’ve got. We all want that immediate validation that we are desirable, when in actuality the only validation that is worth anything is internal validation and COMFORT WITH JUST BEING. That COMFORT provides the subliminal message of SECURITY, which is the secret ATTRACTANT to people who want committed relationships.
Initiating SEXUAL / PHYSICAL ATTRACTION too soon is an act of desperate DESPERATION! Sure, this person could be THE ONE, you are still OFFERING SEX TO A STRANGER. And although you may be turning your date on below the belt, you are turning them off to the idea that you could be a good partner in a serious committed relationship.
So remember, overt flirting is never necessary to attract a stranger. Establish a firm ground in your attraction AFTER A FEW DATES, flirting should come naturally. So by no means do you flirt as a means of defining your initial attraction to each other. You’ll be sending out all the wrong signals!
But don’t let your flirting skills get too rusty. Keep practicing in the mirror. If you are successful in getting your love, flirting will serve you well once you are already in a committed relationship. It’s part of the spark that will keep your connection exciting.
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