How To Deal With Feelings Of Jealousy
Jealousy is the number one deal breaker in romance. Jealousy is the furthest emotion you would associate with romance. In fact, it’s on the opposite spectrum. Now everyone experiences jealousy from time to time. It’s as common as the air we breathe. But we are often never honest with ourselves to admit that this is an emotion that we feel. There is a bit of shame to it. We always deny it.
FEAR and INSECURITY are the primary issue here, but once again, people are less likely to admit that they are insecure because of the negative connotation. It’s okay. The important note to keep in mind is that it’s there and we can only overcome our insecurities by acknowledging that they exist. For example, admit that you are afraid to be rejected or admit that you are afraid to be alone, or maybe both. It’s the fear of the worst possible scenario is what is keeping you from trusting your ability to keep the one that you want.
The fear (that the worst is going to happen) sometimes happens so fast there is no time to stop and think about what is going on. We get angry and begin to REACT or ACT OUT. Sometimes this leads to yelling, threats, and possibly even the lack of communication... a complete shutdown.
Reacting or acting out is the worst thing that you can do to combat jealousy. Unknowingly, you are driving away the one you want. They are actually getting the WRONG SIGNALS of what is actually happening and they’ll be running towards the door faster than if the room was on fire. It’s the most perfect way to lose a relationship you really want to keep.
Visibly displaying jealousy in an outraged way is UNREDEEMABLE because it makes you seem DESPERATE and INSECURE, which is a big turn-off. Crying is a big NO, NO! Absolutely, NO YELLING or FLIPPING OUT. One of the biggest mistakes is to wear the FAKE SMILE that masks anger. Do not do it!
Unfortunately, reacting and acting out sends a second and perhaps the most damaging message that you cannot CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, and you’re CRAZY, you're IMMATURE. No one wants to have a relationship with someone who has these qualities! That may not be your actual traits, but that is what they will hold on to as a memory of who you are.
You can’t help the way you feel and I'm not saying, to pretend that they don't matter. If there is a situation that is making you jealous and is too much for you to bear, you MUST COMMUNICATE with your partner in a calm setting using every ounce of confidence and composure you can muster up. It will be hard, but HARD WORK IS WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL ABOUT. This is only the beginning. If you want a relationship, you'll have to get over this hump.
In a new relationship that is brewing or just in the dating stages, it is important to communicate WHAT the jealousy is making you FEEL, than simply displaying your jealousy. Explain that you are getting mixed signals. Or you don't mind if he or she is giving someone else attention, you'd like to be included and don't want to be left out. Get specific. Let them know that you've thought about mutually benefiting solutions.
Just be calm and cool no matter what you feel.
When you communicate you must remember to avoid saying the word “you” at the beginning of any statement. Why? Because the word “you” will make it seem as if you are blaming and pointing your finger at them. It sets the tone for negativity before you can even put all of your thoughts out on the table. You’ll want to say things like; “I just want to share my feelings.” “I was just trying to pick up on the vibe that was going on.” “I wasn’t sure what to think when everything happened.” “I was totally out of the loop.” “I’m trying to understand what happened.”
See how it works? You aren’t blaming them and you are BRINGING THE FOCUS BACK TO YOU where they should be! The reaction from this will typically be a genuine apology for unknowingly hurting your feelings and a discussion should follow involving more understanding and compromise.
Now if you are with a moron, they aren’t going to understand and that will be your hint to start looking again for Mr. or Miss Right.
Remember that the number one thing that you must do is KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK!
In relationships, you will be tested often sometimes so pay attention. Often we fall for partners who like to play THE JEALOUSY GAME. Some like to play these games to see if you are the clingy type. There is really nothing you can do to counter act these things by just ignoring them when they occur. They will catch you off guard so be ready. Think it though. This is not something for you to get upset about. It has nothing to do with you. You know what you want. Take it or leave it, you can find it somewhere else.
Keep that NO-LOSS attitude with you. Not only will it protect you from these kinds of tricks. IT’S A TURN ON! It makes you irresistible. You're giving off signals that you are STRONG, INDEPENDENT, and CONFIDENT. All turn-ons. The most important thing is that you have to have this confidence etched into your brain. YOU ARE CONFIDENT that everything is okay. You will always have PLENTY of choices too!
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