You Asked:
I met a guy I really like about two months ago, visiting from Paris. We hit it off but he had to leave to go back home. He paid for me to spend two weeks with him in Paris and I did. We had a wonderful time and now I am back home. It's been about a week and I got a disturbing message from him telling me that he hacked into my ISP account and has been monitoring my messages with other guys online. I feel violated by this, but I really like him. He's coming to visit me in a week. What should I do? (James from Teaneck, NJ)
Dating Emergency Answer:
This is a tough one. I disapprove of spying of any kind, but what makes this especially hard is that there is so much more going on under the surface of this situation.
I think that it is obvious that this guy really likes you! You spent some significant time together and if things went well, of course he would be missing you. Unfortunately spying on you was his way (the wrong way, I might add) of keeping connected to you.
What I have to ask you is, now that you've met that special guy, why are you still talking to other guys?
Are you locked in "date as many prospects as you can" mode, regardless of actually meeting someone special?
I don't think this incident of him spying and your field playing is going to go away. It will always be an issue.
Moving forward, be honest with what kind of relationship you want. Will it be exclusive or an open relationship? Clearly define it and stick to it. Don't leave it open to interpretation.
Good luck!
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